Many of us experience the feeling of
entrapment at numerous points in our lives. This can present itself in numerous
forms: maybe we are unhappy with a path we have chosen in life, or with the way
our relationships have shaped themselves. Some of us are desperate to change
but are finding it impossible to do so.
Clarissa and the other characters in
Virginia Woolf’s novel Mrs. Dalloway are
always asking themselves how they got to be the people they are and what they
could have done differently to become someone different, maybe even better.
This makes me wonder: are we entirely responsible for what the future has in
store for us, and if we are unhappy, is it up to us to pull ourselves into a
happy existence? Do we rely on others too much? When did
this lack of self-assurance come about, and who is responsible for it?
The main female protagonists in other
novels such as Great Expectations and
Evelina have to abide by or stand
against various societal roles placed upon them merely due to their sex. But,
is this something that is unchangeable, or are they able to take charge despite
what others think? This isn’t the first time that societal pressures have
gotten in the way of self-assurance, and it isn’t the last either.
Fast forward over a century later, and
these ideas of being pressured to conform to gender norms are appearing in
songs of all kinds. Take, for instance, the song “Just a Girl” by No Doubt.
Before Gwen Stefani went solo, she would sing out about the issues of female
identity and societal pressure to always be the perfectly coifed little girl
incapable of open expression of thought unless it were about something “feminine”
like shoes or makeup. What does this even mean anymore? Do we still allow
ourselves to believe that trucks are for boys and Barbies are for girls? Are we
limiting ourselves or are we allowing society to do the limiting for us?
Let’s talk about TV for a second: I don’t
know about everyone else, but lately I’ve been hooked on the British comedy-drama
My Mad Fat Diary. The protagonist is sixteen-year-old Rae Earl, who is witty,
clever, and has the coolest bedroom ever in Lincolnshire during the nineties.
Oh yeah, she’s also fresh out of a psychiatric hospital for the anxious breakdown
she had and her attempted suicide, and because of her weight (among other
things), she is terrified of facing the real world. She quickly regains contact
with her old best friend, Chloe, and gains a new set of friends in the process.
Together, they tackle all the problems that come with being a teenager in the
nineties. Without giving away too much, Rae continues to struggle with her
confidence and sanity as she faces many voices that try to put her back in the
hospital, where crazy girls like her belong. She isn’t the only one who
struggles with their self-assurance, the gay character in the show (again,
without giving away too much) faces the conflicts between keeping it quiet and
coming out in an unwelcoming environment where everyone knows everything about
everyone. A female character seeks for her self-assurance in all the wrong places,
while many other psychiatric hospital admittees try to take a bite out of the world that
has held them back all their lives.
So, are we responsible to get up, roll up
our sleeves, and become the people we want to be, or is it out of our control? Personally,
I think that there’s always a chance to change. If you don’t like something,
change it, and don’t listen to anyone else who says differently. Who would you
rather be? A Rae Earl, fighting for the right to be yourself, or a Clarissa
Dalloway, passively stuck in the past, surrounded by visions of the person she
wants to be without taking action?
Sources:
"Big Wide World." My Mad
Fat Diary. Channel 4. UK, 2013. Television.
No Doubt. Just a Girl.
Interscope Records, 2003. MP3.
Sometimes I feel extremely aggravated about the social pressure felt by so many individuals in our society. But I also feel as though the issue of self confidence destruction due to social pressure is talked about so frequently that it almost can't be a problem (if that makes any sense). I mean, to an extent it is undeniable that many individuals lack self confidence as a result of unnecessary pressure, but it is my impression that most are aware that this pressure is unnecessary, and therefore I feel as though we are on the right track to solving the problem.
ReplyDeleteI am uncertain if the reason Clarissa chose to marry Richard as opposed to Peter is due to social pressure. I feel as though she strives to have a certain personality (note her comments about Lady Bexborough) and that she believed that marrying Richard would follow the course that this desired personality would take. It is debatable whether or not she strives for this personality due to social pressure, but I do not think this is the reason. Perhaps this image of an admirable lady she has created begun due to societal pressure, but I'd like to think that it became more of an internal, personal goal for her to achieve this image that she sought as she matured. I definitely think that individuals have the power to construct themselves, changing their mindset and personality as they see fit. I personally think that the issue is that human nature consists of some very admirable qualities, but also some very negative ones. These negative qualities are what, in my opinion, cause so much of the unhappiness surrounding us :(.
On another note, I'm really intrigued by the TV show you mentioned and might just go watch it :)
As I learned in Philosophy class, there is always a choice to be made. Even when you say you have no choice in the matter, you do, because you are making the decision not to choose. I believe that it is all in our minds. Whatever's stopping us from going after our dreams or being a happy person, it's all mental and psychological, meaning that it concerns the mind. Many of us are convinced that we are not good enough, or that somebody is out to get us, but that's just our mind working overtime coming up with crazy scenarios. I'll admit, it is difficult trying to create your place in the world and be who you really wish to be, but it's all a matter of choice.We are responsible and we do hold the reins when it comes to our life and the choices we make. Our mind is what is more often than not the problem. It is stopping us from having enough self-assurance and self-confidence to go after what we want and if we could just overcome this mental barrier, we will be very happy people indeed.
ReplyDeleteI agree with both posters above me that self-esteem issues and achieving goals are all related to our mental state, and that if we want to achieve something, we are the only ones keeping ourselves from doing something. However, even though we are aware of this, it's still difficult to break out of self-esteem issues. I think that as much as one mentally tells themselves to feel good about themselves and not care about what others think, it is not something that someone can convince themselves of over night. Getting over self-esteem issues and anxiety takes time. But, having said that, I would want to be Rae Earl rather than Clarissa. I would rather fight for the right to be myself than be someone I do not want to be. Even though one make struggle with self-esteem issues and try to fit into a world full of social pressures, at least you are fighting to remain yourself throughout it all. Though I don't think that Clarissa married Richard simply because of social pressure, she does often question her identity, and I believe that is not a great feeling to have at her age. At Clarissa's age, I'm sure we might all question past events, but I hope that I personally will be happy with what I have become.
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, I think social pressure is all in our heads. Sure you’re going to have people who don’t like you, or think what you’re wearing is hideous, that’s undeniable, but it’s only because we’re human. If we have opinions, we’re going to judge, whether we do it intentionally or not. For instance, I think the only reason someone would judge someone on their weight is because they’re self-conscious about their own. I believe that if you think positively about yourself, you’re going to have positive thoughts. I think social pressure comes from people always trying to compare themselves to others instead of trying to become their own person; everybody wants to be better than everyone else instead viewing each other as equal.
ReplyDeleteI think you’re 100% responsible for who you’ve become in life and only you have the power to get up and do something about your unhappy life, no one’s going to do it for you – nobody cares.
And I’d be damned if I end up a bitter woman like Clarissa, spending my adult life thinking about the mistakes I made when I was younger instead of doing something about it – that’s no way to live. As for the gay character in My Mad Fat Diary, I think he should just come out already. Life is probably going to suck for a bit, but it’s better than hiding who you really are.
There are over 7 billion people in the world, and believe it or not we’re all different, so why are we so pressured by each other making everybody follow a certain social order instead of expressing our individuality? Be happy, be free, and don’t give a shit about what people think about you.
I loved your post and the ideas it contained. In my opinion, we all have a choice in who we are and what we become. There are always things that happen that are out of our control, but it is the way we react to these situation that make or break us. It really is a shame because most people hold themselves back because they don't have the confidence or the courage to change. It takes a lot of effort and hard work to stay true to yourself, but is definitely worth the effort.
ReplyDeleteClarissa and Estella both faced incredibly difficult situations in a different time period, something we could never understand. They had opportunities to change, but were so far gone on their way that they couldn't see an exit. I think Clarissa has a good life, one she appreciates, but she is haunted by the what ifs that life is filled with. Estella, on the other hand, had a lot harder path and suffered because of her choices. So, could they have changed? I think it's possible, but everyone will have to learn in their own way. We should try our best to achieve our own happiness because no one will suffer most than the people who repress their inner self.
Your post was really interesting, and I like the ideas you discussed. I believe that we always have a choice, no matter the circumstance. People will always be there to criticize, so what's the point in choosing someone or something you may not necessarily want in order to please others? You're better off making yourself happy. Though at times it takes a lot of courage and strength, it always do-able, and will ultimately make you happier (though it may take some time.)
ReplyDeleteThough I don't think Clarissa solely married Richard because of the pressure she felt, I'm not sure she would have married him had that pressure not been there. I also think most people view 'teenagehood' and 'young-adulthood' as the defining moments of a life, like, all important choices can only be made during that time and whatever is chosen is permanent. To me, that's all, for lack of a better word, bullshit. When you're a teenager or in your 20s, you don't know much about anything, and this is the time during which we're expected to make life-defining decisions? Bullshit. We are always changing and transforming ourselves, so why can't we do the same to our choices? I feel like Clarissa feels trapped within her own life, but feels unable to change it. I figure that if she is unhappy, she should change something instead of living with doubt and discontentment. Our end goal, for a lot of us anyway, is to be happy, and that should be the priority when making choices in life, not making 'society' happy.
I believe that if you're unhappy with the way that are you are, the only way you can change that is by actually pushing forward and not staying in the past or in just one spot. So to answer your question fully, we are capable of becoming who we want to be with a little work of course, and I would obviously rather be Rae Earl. There will always be people who will judge others based on things like their weight, their fashion choices, the people they hang out with, or just the way that they speak. That doesn't mean that their opinions are more important than what that individual may think. Of course, sometimes one's opinions may be the reason why another might change themselves. It all depends really. You can change because some people believe that you should (although I really don't think that a person's opinions should change a person if they are happy in their own skin) or you can change because you yourself think that you should and in the long run, it'll make you a happier person. Social pressure is hard to go through, though, and often people would rather stay in their current state because they're too afraid to change how they think or how they are as opposed to going through that change in order to make their lives much better. Clarissa is stuck in the past and we can see this because she is constantly thinking about the things that she could have done differently. I can't say for sure, but to me, it seems like she's on the border of being unhappy with her life. It's only normal that if you think about the different paths you could have taken or avoided, you'll have your mind constantly working at figuring out whether you could have done better in your life or not.
ReplyDeleteThis post is for real! Part of me likes to think that we are born into ourselves, with the genetics that give us our shape and hair colour, and with the unique traits that make us products of our environments. But the other part of me is sure that despite the existence of this biological science that makes us, us, I know that humans are wired with the capability to change.
ReplyDeleteI think it's safe to say that there are many people who are unhappy with their appearance, with their physique, with their family live, love lives, sex lives and academic devotion, but these are just the above-the-surface stresses that are developed by the people in, and around our lives.
The fact of the matter is, that no matter what these outside forces are telling you, influencing you to see, or persuading you to feel, they are outside. The only thing, since we can't entirely and directly control tabloids or media adverts, is we can control our thoughts. Much like in Mrs. Dalloway, the thoughts of the characters were crucial to understanding them. I didn't find it to be so much of their logical thoughts that were important. It was their acute abilities to notice and comment on the person in front of them (i.e. as seen with Peter and Clarissa on a sofa at her place) which came across to me as a genuine way for the world of one person, to see and view the world of another. Because that's all it really is: your world and what you see, and my world and what I see. I guess the point is, it's normal to get caught up in the world we live in, but it's mostly important to take so much in as much as it's important to refuse ideas like body image that risk making us too self-involved.
We always have a choice. Somewhere, somehow, or in someway we have a choice. Whether or not there are external factors that force something upon you, you always have a choice of how you interpret it. So, yes we are responsible for our happiness and if something is out of place than it is up to us to change it. To sit and wait passively is the greatest of crimes.
ReplyDeleteAs for societal pressures they are real, they exist and they can be very hard to deal with. They can weight heavy upon our psyche but what is important to remember is that it is up to all of us to seek our happiness through the torrent of unpleasantness. When you consider how short life is passivity is the greatest tragedies of all, something Clarissa does by fixing on the past.
As for Clarissa well I think in some ways it is normal to wonder I what if, what if she had chosen this rather than that. And, in many ways her pondering cannot bring anything good. It is pointless for her to regret or think too much about what a life would have been like with Peter.