A Gentleman in Every Sense of the Word

A Gentleman in Every Sense of the Word

In today’s society in particular, finding true gentlemen can be quite a challenge. Men today are becoming more and more snobby and losing the manners and grace that women rightfully deserve. These days, you would be hard pressed to find a man hold a door open for a woman, pick up her pencil which may have dropped, or even say “Bless You” after sneezing. I guess you could say that chivalry is long dead.

In Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, the character of Pip wishes to transform himself into a “gentleman” and truly be a man worth mentioning in society. He wishes to move away from the rude behavior of others around him, such as Pumblechook and Mrs. Joe Gargery and create a new persona for himself. He mentions to Biddy his desire to become a gentleman and vents his frustration by saying  “I am not at all happy as I am. I am disgusted with my calling and with my life.” (Page 160)

Pip’s willingness to make a 360 degree change and transform himself should be commended and lauded, especially coming at such a young age.

There are not too many people I know who exhibit the “gentlemanly” traits that society is in desperate need for. However, one exemplary individual comes to mind: Montreal Canadiens hockey legend Jean Beliveau. His career and legacy is defined not merely by statistics, personal honors, or Stanley Cup championships, but by his humble demeanor, his respect for others in and outside the game, and his overall well regard for others. He captained the Canadiens for 10 years and led them in an exemplary fashion.

Although I was not yet born to witness his prowess on the ice, video footage on YouTube speak volumes about his character and the respect his own adversaries such as rival players on Toronto and Boston showed him. Up until recently, Le Gros Bill (as he is affectionately called), would, through sickness and health, personally respond to all the fan mail received by hand, with an autographed card in tow. His passion and devotion to his fans is nothing short of remarkable. The class with which he conducts himself is simply stellar.

I can attest to his remarkable character firsthand as I had the honor and the privilege of visiting with Mr. Beliveau at his home this past summer. He exceeded all the expectations that I had about him. Despite failing health, a bad back, and overall tiredness, he graciously spent a few hours with my father, grandfather, a friend and I talking hockey, signing autographs, and reminiscing about old memories. I cannot possibly do the man justice for his genuineness, his openness and this overall hospitality.  I left his house that August afternoon profoundly touched and moved. I had never met a man who exemplified every possible value you could want in a man. After having met him, I know exactly how one should live their life and what it is to truly be a gentleman.

The following video tribute by the National Hockey League at their annual awards banquet honoring Mr. Beliveau says everything you need to know about this one-of-a-kind human being. Notice that in his acceptance speech, he never mentions himself and instead centers all the attention on others, just another commendable characteristic in a truly fantastic man.

Who could possibly be a greater person than Mr. Jean Beliveau?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZt_kwgYo3w

How We Fall Together

 The moment you are brought to life you are surrounded by the idea of being someone's daughter or son and as a child you are unaware, but as time passes you realize this relation. Thus, from the beginning of anyone's time they are already bound to the people around them in an inseparable way and these bonds continue through life. Then the expectations of not only living, but succeeding somehow in life are put on the children of the world. It is in "Great Expectations" by Charles Dickens we see a vivid image of this painted before our eyes, mainly with the characters Estella and Pip. The affects of the people who brought up these characters made every difference in how they learned to react to the world and what place they saw themselves being in, in the future.
 Mrs. Havisham, the adopted mother of Estella, plays a crucial role in guiding Estella and Pip along their lives. She becomes the puppeteer that warps Estella by making her heartless and through Estella creates a enormous dissatisfaction in Pip in his former life style. She plays her cards and uses her tricks because of how she yearns for a vendetta against men, and thus we realize how she was warped herself;

the pressure of living as we are supposed to can dictate our lives. The person we want to be for our family, friends and lovers can guide us in our decisions. The expectations of life are universal and ultimately subjective to every person alive and always present.
 We have infinite ties to those around us and their influence is not always negative; we can learn to become stronger, love harder, think deeper and be kinder. The ties we make may end, but their memories will last much longer. Pip gains an ambition above all other to be with the one he loves, he does everything he is capable of to become a man Estella can love and be with in her society. This just shows how Pip gained an enormous strength and his kindness remains from the times he was side by side with Joe, helping guide his friend Herbert to happiness.

 All in all, we are bound to those around us. We have people who will help carry us through the hard times and we have people who will challenge us in at times distressing way. They help shape who we are as can be seen through "Great Expectations" in Pip and Estella; one becomes cold the other becomes desperately in love. We are our own person and these things do help make us, but in the end we do have a choice. The choice to see things in our own way and the choice to choose who we are influenced by. So in the end who will you see in the mirror and when you take a good look around who will be standing beside you?

Works Cited:

Image 1:
 "Tell Me You're Happy by yuumei on deviantART." Tell Me You're Happy by yuumei on deviantART. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2014. <http://www.deviantart.com/art/Tell-Me-You-re-Happy-344159572>.
Image 2:
 "Red String by Arcky-Cano on deviantART." Red String by Arcky-Cano on deviantART. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2014. <http://www.deviantart.com/art/Red-String-255243761>.
Image 3:
 "Warped Reality by oO-Rein-Oo on deviantART." Warping Reality by oO-Rein-Oo on deviantART. N.p. n.d. Web. 28 Feb. 2014 <hhtp://lith-lie-ark.deviantart.com./art/Warping-Reality-252490795>.

And So Pip's Adventure Begins: For The Right Reason?

     Reading through the first volume of Great Expectations, we get a sense that the main protagonist is unhappy with his life, only because someone insults him about it. With the first visit to Miss Havisham's, Pip meets the “ever so beautiful” Estella, who outright shoots him down. She criticizes him for who he is: a working-class boy. Pip begins to feel ashamed , and is driven to change who he is in order to impress Estella and fit in with her society. Her judgement of him is what drives him to be different, but clouds his mind of who he really is. As he learns that he will be able to become a gentleman, he begins to treat those that he loves with a little less respect than he used to. That change is something that we can see in our society today.

     I believe that although many of us are free to our own opinions and don't always follow what others believe we ought to be doing with our lives, I feel as though there are people who change who they are for the wrong reasons, like in Great Expectations. When we look at kids going through high school, we see a lot of transitions throughout the years. They'll follow whatever trend is on style, in hopes that no one will criticize them, or they'll follow what their friends tell them to do, so that they won't be left out. As someone who went through high school myself, I remember thinking that if I wore different clothing, acted differently, or maybe even listened to different music, I would be able to fit with a certain crowd. But what fuelled that desire to be the same as everybody else and not stay the way that I was? Well, for the most part, popular opinion played a big role. More often than not, people will follow what other people are interested in, in order to please those who they want to please, or not be an eye-sore to the rest of society.

      In the 80s movie, Some Kind of Wonderful, Keith, the main character, wastes his college funds for one outing in order to impress the school's most popular girl. He rents a limo, buys her diamond earrings, and takes her to a posh restaurant, only to show her that he is much more than he seems. What he learned in the end was that he was not the only one trying to be something he wasn't, for the girl he was trying to impress was also trying to impress those around her. In Great Expectations, Uncle Pumblechook can be a good example of how there are those who try to impress others in order for them not to see who they really are. He is seen as someone who knows much about everything and everyone, yet he doesn't really. We see this happen when Pip is asked about Miss Havisham, and Uncle Pumblechook says he knows of the things that Pip says, although he doesn't really since Pip is lying about his stay. Uncle Pumblechook is someone who puts himself on a pedestal in order to be above others, but he isn't the greatest human being either.

      Popular opinion has an impact on certain people's lives, but often just to impress those they believe to be above them. Pip is going to be a gentleman, perhaps to better his life, but mostly to change Estella's impression of him. I don't believe that a person should change who they are in order to please certain individuals' opinions. Though, with how popular opinion starts to worm its way through lives at a young age, it seems as though we'll be constantly changing in order to be able to fit in. In your opinion, do you believe that we live by the expectations of our dominating society? Or do you believe that we are our own critics?

Family Dynamics

A traditional 18th century English family

In Evelina, as well as in today's society, family relationships and affairs are very complex. Relationships between siblings or parents, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, grandparents and grandchildren, are all extremely complicated and they have really evolved since the 18^th century, and even since the 1980’s. One very prominent relationship in this novel is that of Evelina and her guardian, Mr. Villars. Mr.Villars, based on my reading of Evelina, is a very good father figure and parent without being too protective or too disciplinary and strict. Evelina and Madame Duval have quite a bizarre relationship, mostly based on the fact that Evelina had only known her grandmother for a few months. Evelina appears to be embarrassed and ashamed of her family in front of people whose opinions she values the most. Captain Mirvan and his daughter Maria have quite a strained relationship. He does not treat her with respect and he acts as if her opinion means nothing and to him, she is near invisible. Lord Orville and his sister, Lady Louisa Larpent, are two people with very contrasting personalities and behaviours. He is calm and respectful, while she is loud and dramatic.

Evelina by Frances Burney

The way in which people treated their family members and close relations in the 18th century is very different from the way things are today. For example, in our society, families are much more relaxed in each other’s company and some parents do not receive the amount of respect that should be accorded to them. In this novel, many different types of parenting are portrayed and family dynamics are an important part of the plot-line. From Evelina, and to this day, families are always arguing between themselves; there are always disagreements and clashing opinions because those are the consequences when you live with people for part of your life. Sibling rivalry is also a very important part of family dynamics in today’s society. For the most part, our siblings and parents are always just there, so we don’t really take the time to appreciate them. Do you think the family dynamics and relationships in Evelina still apply today? Has anything changed since the 18th century?

Being Unique: Celebrated or Frowned Upon?

In Evelina, readers are introduced to a charming and charismatic leading character. Evelina struggles to find her identity, while attempting to construct a good reputation. This proves to be exceedingly difficult given the countless contradictory rules on social etiquette held by the English society of the 18^th century. Upon entering this society, Evelina is quickly sought after by multiple men, all enticed by her innocence and beauty. Perhaps another key factor that attracts these men to Evelina is her uniqueness? Being new to high society, Evelina proves herself to be different (though she does her best to conform). Although one can actively support the idea that women of this society (and arguably those of our society today) are under enormous pressure to follow a certain criteria for being a woman, another idea is that unique women are in a sense celebrated in the media throughout time.

To me, it is Evelina’s unique qualities that really contribute to her charm. Evelina reminds me of Elizabeth Bennet of Pride and Prejudice, another female character that struggles conforming to high society while maintaining an identity. Though Elizabeth’s story takes place after Evelina’s (19^th century), there exist many commonalities between them. The two are lively, intelligent and intuitive, as well as deemed attractive by many of the men they encounter. The aspects of the two characters that make them so admirable, to me, are their feelings of alienation from society. They see through the formalities, the absurdities, and the tricks played on them by other characters in the novels. This makes one wonder that perhaps it was, in a way, celebrated to be different.

If one looks at modern literature and film, the theme of a unique protagonist is common. Hermione Granger in Harry Potter is a perfect example of a female character that is admired by readers, yet shows obvious differences from the other females in the novel. Another example of this celebration of spunkiness and unique qualities in females can be seen through Summer’s character in 500 Days of Summer. Summer’s quirky qualities and wittiness are the reason that both the main character, as well as the audience, becomes so enamored with her. This is another contradiction for individuals to overcome as they see fit: are we supposed to conform, or be unique?

Works Cited 

(500) Days of Summer. N.d. Photograph. Hot Saas's Pop Culture Safari. Web. 6 Feb. 2014. <http://newslang89.wordpress.com/2013/09/01/500-days-of-summer/>. 

Evelina. N.d. Photograph. The Burney Centre. McGill University. Web. 6 Feb. 2014. <http://burneycentre.mcgill.ca/other_evelina.html>. 

Hermione Granger. N.d. Photograph. Harry Potter Wiki. Web. 6 Feb. 2014. <http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Memory_Charm>. 

Pride and Prejudice. N.d. Photograph. G Pop. Web. 6 Feb. 2014. <http://www.g-pop.net/pride_prejudice.htm>. 

Is It Really All That Different?

Screenshot from Sex and the City

                                                     

In class, we have discussed Evelina and the titular character’s misadventures upon entering society. We have often stated the extreme nature of the novel; how it is so far and different from what we experience in modern society. Is it really all that different?

Screenshot from Sex and the City

It is while watching one of my guilty pleasure TV shows, Sex and the City, that I realized, though we may not necessarily acknowledge it, we live in a society that heavily revolves around first impressions and attracting the opposite sex. We, as members of this society, are constantly attempting to modify our true nature in order to impress new acquaintances. The society in which Evelina takes place is quite evidently more severe than ours. Etiquette is the most important quality a woman should possess. She must be approachable without being too friendly; she must seem interested, but not too interested. This list goes on and on.  Women are consistently altering their personalities in order to please men. Not convinced it still happens today? Think about it. Before going on a date, women dress up and groom themselves with the general goal of pleasing their date. Once on the date, they usually act more polite, more reserved, more intelligent and funny. Again, this is with the goal of impressing their date. Why are women so intent on acting differently in the presence of men? Why are women still consumed with the idea of pleasing men?

Screenshot from Sex and the City Season 3, Episode 1

For those who are unfamiliar with the premise of Sex and the City, it is a 90s sitcom featuring four women in their pursuit of love, sex and marriage. Centuries later, marriage is still depicted as a young woman’s ultimate goal. Girls are raised within a society that strongly believes that their lives are essentially meaningless should they end them alone. In London, Evelina is molded into a polite, submissive girl, aiming to please the men she encounters with the hopes that one of them will propose. In a time where we pride ourselves on the modernity of our lives, why is the institution of marriage still considered an important goal to be achieved and not simply a choice for one to make? Marriage is still looked upon as a natural step with the progression of a relationship. The women in Sex and The City, like many women around the world, factor money, physical appearance and charm into choosing their partners. In Evelina’s time, men would take women’s dowry, looks and personality into consideration. The components that make up many relationships today remain the same they were roughly 400 years ago.

Is it normal that this particular social institution has refrained from evolving in such a long period of time?  

Identity Crisis

                                                                Photo by Anna Arrobas

Within the last 30 to 40 years, affirming one’s identity as an individual has become a major priority.  Media strongly feeds society’s obsession to express oneself through daily necessities such as music, food, clothing and technologies. Not only is this pressure to individuate behind products promoted by the media, our identities are also strongly defined by our education, career paths and lifestyles. At the age of 18, I am in the midst of these pressures. I am at the beginning of my educational career and expected to make decisions that may potentially determine the fate of my career path. I am also a young adult woman, which alone centers me at the target of the media’s eye. Although it is only recent that this obsession with individuality has driven us to make almost every decision in hope of defining our identity, it is evident through literature that both men and women have been faced with anxieties of “coming out” since the existence of society itself.  In the 17^th century, young women of my age were faced with severe pressures to conform to the requirements of what defined a lady in society.  Evelina by Frances Burney is an exemplary novel of that era, serving as a personal window into the perspective of a young woman coming out into society while dealing with the unveiling of her own identity. However, one of the major differences between the time of Evelina and the current generation is that the media’s spotlight was not based on sculpting an individual, but rather on conforming into a role that is pre-established by society itself: the role of the sex, with no room to individuate. Now before wires get crossed, there is no question that men and women are continually squeezed into the social expectations of a sexist society. However, the pressure of individuating and self-expression was not present in the 17^th century; therefor our sense of identity came from our family, heritage and class.  Evelina’s struggle with identity is particular due to being an orphan; eliminating her foundation of identity.  Being raised by Reverand Villars in the country, Evelina grew up in an educated yet sheltered environment that has preserved her innocence, yet leaves her unaware of her stranded position that awaits her in urban society. As she travels to London it is eminent that due to Evelina’s lack of parental accompaniment, her security is severely threatened among men who at the time, experienced family as a barrier between their female prey. Thus, affirming one’s Identity was not only egocentric, but a protection and sense of security that one carried in society and that when without, were extremely vulnerable. Are the desires to affirm our identities today based on fears of survival similar to those of Evelina? Or are they purely egocentric under the assumption that we are not faced with the threatening consequences as we would have been in the 17^th century?